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Thread: Christmas

  1. #1
    Moderator +WMD 1/2 Member Roger Prynne's Avatar
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    Christmas

    A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says,“I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.”

    ‘Dad, what are you talking about?’ the son screams.

    “We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer” the father says.

    “We’re sick of each other and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”

    Franticly, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like hell they’re getting divorced!” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this!”

    She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow.Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.

    The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. ‘Sorted! They’re coming for Christmas – and they’re paying their own way.’
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    The following 11 users likes this Post: amazed, bporion, BullWinkle, cluck, FS7, hkraft300, Konan, Mad Al, Mad LL, OddTimer, Remco Van Dijk


  2. #2
    Moderator Konan's Avatar
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    There are three guys being evaluated in the psychiatric institute...
    The doctor calls in the first one:"
    "How would you leave if i said you could go right now?"
    The "nut" answers:
    "Through the keyhole"
    "Back to your padded room" the warden says...
    Second one,same question...
    "Through the keyhole of course"
    "Hmmm too early for him"
    The third one comes in:
    "Tell me would you also leave through the keyhole given the chance?"
    "Off course not...don't be stupid warden...........can't you see the key is still in it?"
    I NEVER LOSE...I WIN OR LEARN...
    A special thanks to SMS and WMD for putting up with me all these years!
    The following 4 users likes this Post: amazed, BullWinkle, cluck, Roger Prynne


  3. #3
    Superkart Pilot
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    A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.

    There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.

    So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.

    On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

    Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

    The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.

    The second floor sign reads:

    Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.

    The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.

    The third floor sign reads:

    Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking.

    "Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"

    The fourth floor sign reads:

    Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework.

    "Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.

    The fifth floor sign reads:

    Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.

    "Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.

    The sixth floor sign reads:

    Floor 6 - You are visitor 6,875,953,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    A store that sells wives has just opened where a man may go to choose a wife from among many women. The store is composed of 6 floors, and the women increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.

    There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a woman from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.

    So a man goes to the shopping center to find a wife.

    On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

    Floor 1 - These women are decent looking and love sex.

    Floors 2 through to 6 have never been visited.

    The End.
    Last edited by LukeC; 08-09-2017 at 10:51.
    The following 5 users likes this Post: BullWinkle, gregc, Konan, Mad LL, Roger Prynne


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